Leave a Message at Which Beep?

--dramatization of a true story from the IP studio--

I hate leaving voice-mails on the telephone. Something about rambling into dead silence for thirty seconds without pausing or sounding awkward or rambly gets to me. Every time.
But the person whose call I was returning was not on the line, so I had to leave a message for them.
"Blankety-blank is not available. Please leave a message after the beep."
Beep!
"Hello, this is Monkey # 5 from Improv Playhou--"
Beep! Apparently the phone didn't like that introduction, so it gave me take two. Which really threw me off.
"Uh, hello? This is Monkey # 5 from Improv Playhouse. We received a--"
Beep!
I must have stopped talking for a good ten seconds there as I tried to figure out what the heck was going on. "Excuse me, it seems we're having phone difficulty. Anyway--"
Beep!
"Oh, for the love of Pete!" I hung up. That was it. No more for me. I'm done.

As it happens, somebody important was calling in on the other line, and that was the "call waiting" tone I was hearing. It was just the black humor of the telephone company that the "start talking" and "call waiting" tones were the same sound.

I called the telephone company to give them a stern talking-to. I got an answering machine.

--Monkey # 5 & Tony

Give a Monkey Coffee...

...and you'll probably end up with a David Letterman-style Top-10 list of reasons to come to IP!  Not that we tried this or anything; we're just saying, if you were to do such a silly thing, you might get a list like this one:

TOP 10 REASONS YOU OR YOUR CHILD SHOULD JOIN IP:
10. You will both know about and approve of your teenager's evening activities.
9. People won't leave when you approach the water cooler.
8. You'll finally learn a joke you can tell your 6-yr-old.
7. Your daughter will want to be seen with you in public.
6. Your spouse will appreciate you learning how to laugh.
5. You'll appreciate laughing at your spouse.
4. Twenty-somethings will be shocked to discover that you are older than they are.
3. Not only will you be invited to more family functions, you'll know how to turn them down.
2. You'll finally have friends.
1. Compared to us, you'll look sane!

Also, can anyone tell me what a Premium French roast is? I can't taste a difference. On the other hand, I did spit that list out in five minutes while drinking it, so maybe it's better quality after all. . . .
--Monkey #5